Seafarer Chaplain
Seafarer Reader Online
Always a good read
This Noah story answers three questions...
Noah was sailing in the Ark during the Flood, but it sprung a small leak.
He called his dog and made him put his nose on the leak. But the dog tired of it so he left.
Then Noah told his wife to put her hands on the leak.
That stopped it, but she scolded him and said,
“Enough of this! My hands are getting cold!
Anyway, it’s your boat, Mr. Captain Noah Sir —
Ha! You deal with it.”
So, Noah sat on the leak for the rest of the voyage.
And that’s why ever since then:
dogs have wet noses,
women have cold hands,
and men stand with their back to the fire.
My Favorite “4-Letter Word”
My buddy said, “Come with us to the lake. My friend’s dad has a motorboat, and we can go water skiing.”
“I’ve never water skied,” I said.
“That’s OK. My friend’s dad will teach you.”
It was my turn. His dad yelled, “Legs out front, tips up.” He eased the throttle ahead, the rope tightened and Vrooooom. My legs split and I went splash.
“Try again!” he yelled. Same thing – Splash.
“Once more!” he called. “Do like I said!” Same thing. Ka-plunk.
Then he shouted back, “You can’t water ski! Who’s next?”
“You can’t water ski!” I can hear those words half a century later. It hurt at the time, but now, my favorite 4-letter word is “can’t,” and I love it.
How often has someone told you you can’t do something? Lots, I’m sure. “You can’t go to college.” “You can’t because you’re too old.” “You can’t make Chief.” “You can’t overcome your past.” “You can’t…” “You can’t…” “You can’t….”
When you allow people to convince you that you can’t do something, you’re letting them be the judge of your abilities, resources or social status. You’re letting them disqualify you from opportunity. They may look at school and grades, economic position, or earlier bad choices and say, “You can’t….” Or they have hidden reasons to discourage you. Some fear you will take their job. Some have personal or racial prejudices. Some don’t like your family name, hometown, hair length or tattoos. Some don’t want you to succeed.
But they’re not you. If you listen to them long enough, you start to agree. And years later you’ll say, “I wish I had tried. I wish I hadn’t listened to them.”
“Tell me why I can’t.” Don’t get cocky and say, “I’ll prove you wrong!” Instead, ask them with respect, “Tell me why I can’t.”
If they care about your success, there will be wisdom in their words. Their experience is your gain. God may be using them to redirect your life. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to counsel.“ Proverbs 12:15
First best advice: Answer “Yes” to all these questions:
Do you have sincere motives?
Will my efforts benefit others as well?
Have you listened to the counsel and concerns of knowledgeable people?
Do you have the approval and encouragement of your family? (Especially your parents and wife!)
Can you continue to fulfill family obligations and financial responsibilities?
Have you prayed for wisdom and guidance?
Are you prepared to reject moral compromise and under-the-table deals?
Would Jesus approve your goal from start to finish?
Second best advice: turn these “can’t’s” into your to-do list. Let every doubt and concern work to your favor. List every “can’t” and objection you hear and add your own as well. This is 75% of what you gotta do to reach your goal. (Don’t worry. You’ll quickly discover another 75%.)
(1) Sort them out. Forget the cruel “can’ts”. Those people don’t give a rip about you. Focus on the constructive ones.
(2) Rank them. What “can’t” is your greatest roadblock? Fix it! What will take the most time? What is the biggest hurtle? What personal and lifestyle changes do I have to make? Which ones are easy; which ones are hard?
(3) Now get busy. Whittle down that list and reach your goal.
I love the 4-letter word “can’t.” It helps me make a plan so I “can.”
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
By the way, I’ve never water skied.
Why? Because I listened to the guy who said,
“You can’t water ski.”
"I'm afraid I'll be like my dad."
Did you grow up saying, “My dad abandoned us by going to sea. I’ll never do that to my kids.” But here you are on the other side of the world for months at a time, feeling guilty when your kids say, “Daddy, can you come home?”
Or you realize you’re doing and saying the same hurtful things he did to you and your mom. You look in the mirror and say, “It’s hopeless. I’m getting more and more like my dad — and I promised myself I’d never be like him.”
Growing up under a bad dad isn’t a life-long curse. But you’re going to have to fight his influence all your life. He’s not going to call to patch things up. You’re responsible for your recovery. But how?
Start here. Two things.
The first is your present relationship with your dad.
1. Find out why your dad is (was) that way. What personal disappointments, abuses, losses and tragedies shaped his life? Was his dad like that too?
2. Determine not to follow in his steps. Quit playing the victim game. You’re an adult. Learn the warning signs that trigger you to act like him, then stop and cool down.
3. Get help. You’re not alone. Listen and talk with those who have overcome bad dads in a healthy way. Read good stuff on the Internet. Get help from a pastor or trusted counselor.
4. Look for your dad’s good points. What traits did he pass on to you? A good work ethic? A strong body? Quick mind? When someone compliments you, say, “Thumbs up, I got that from my dad.”?
5. Don't "hate" your dad. Don’t say, “I’ll never forgive him.” You’re the one who suffers because you’re a prisoner to his past actions. You’re the one who gets angry whenever you think of him. Face it — he’s still controlling you!
The second is recovery.
Pray for him. Your mom gave you flesh, but your dad gave you life. You’d still be an egg if it wasn't for your dad. God loves your dad in the midst of his faults as much as he loves you in the midst of yours. Don't turn your back on him.
If he's still living, seek reconciliation. Some people mellow as they grow older and regret their past. Many feel it’s too late to settle the past.
Settle the past in your heart, then go to him. Don’t wait until his deathbed. You’ll wish you had gone years sooner. He should pass knowing that in spite of all, he has a good son.
If he has passed or severed all ties, forgive him in your heart. You can’t overcome an unchangeable past as long as you refuse to forgive. Peace with your dad helps complete your cycle of life.
Listen to St. Paul, who wrote,
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Read that last phrase again, ”...as God in Christ forgave you.” It’s hard to forgive others if you yourself have not experienced the full forgiveness of God through Jesus Christ.
And then there’s your kids. They need a granddad. You can’t pretend he’s not there. He’s part of their life story too. They need generational identity with his “good” stories.
“Dear Jesus, I’ve carried deep hurt for so many years. It haunts and controls me. Forgive me of my bitterness so I can forgive my dad. Heal my heart so I can bring healing to others, In your loving Name, Amen.
Many years ago, I was leading a Bible camp. One of my cabin counselors did something very unusual. On their first night he told his campers to put their Bibles away. He said, “We’re going to make a ‘Hanoi Bible’.”
This was during the Vietnam War. American pilots and crewmen shot down over North Vietnam were taken to Hanoi, the capitol. They were imprisoned in what was nicknamed the Hanoi Hilton. They were deprived of basic human necessities, kept in solitary confinement and tortured.
The camp counselor said, “Let’s suppose we are prisoners in the Hanoi Hilton. They’ve taken away our Bibles. All we can do is try to remember Bible verses, write them down on scraps of paper and keep them hidden.
“Start telling me some Bible verses you’ve memorized. I’ll write them down on these scraps of paper. We’ll call it our ‘Hanoi Bible.’ This will be our Bible for the week. We’ll memorize it so no one can take it away.”
They started reciting Bible verses and made their own Hanoi Bible.
The Bible says we should memorize the Word of God. “I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11
Memorizing God’s Word helps us remember God’s love, forgiveness and comfort. We’re reminded of how He wants us to live. When we face temptation or make a quick decision, we immediately know what to do.
How many verses are in your Hanoi Bible? The 10 Commandments, The Lord’s Prayer and John 3:16? Or could you fill a small notebook.
Start today. Write a meaningful verse on a card and memorize it. If you’ve got time for video games, you’ve got time for this. Priorities!
If God’s Word is in your heart no one can take it away. It can’t be lost in a shipwreck and the pages will never wear out. And you can even ‘read’ it in the dark.
How can a young man keep his way pure?
By guarding it according to your word. Psalm 119:9
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly…. Colossians 3:16
A shopkeeper had a problem. Every night, a spider would build a web across the door of his store. Every morning, his customers would complain.
So, he would grab his broom and sweep away the web. But the next morning, another web would crisscross his door.
He decided to have a chat with the spider. “Spider,” he said, “your webs are hurting my business. Please don’t build a web around my front door.”
Spider agreed the webs looked bad. But she said, “I must spin webs to catch food and raise my spiderlings.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “Let’s negotiate. Anywhere else is fine, but not here.”
“Okay,” said Spider. But the next morning another web was across his door.
He called to her and said, "You promised not to build webs across my door."
Spider replied, "Oh, I’m sorry. It will not happen again, sir." But the next morning there were more spiderwebs.
So, the shopkeeper grabbed his broom and killed the spider.*
Life can be like that. Some things hang around like spiders. Things like harmful habits, friends who keep encouraging you to do things or go places you don’t want to do or go, or toxic relationships you know are destructive.
You negotiate with them in your mind, saying, “I’ll cut back on that habit and keep it under control.” “I’ll go ashore with the guys but will wait outside.” “I’ll stay in this relationship and maybe it will get better.” But you’re still drawn in.
You can't negotiate with harmful habits, sleazy joints or toxic people. They’re like spiders. They’re not going to change what’s natural for them. You must change things yourself. You gotta stop bad habits cold turkey, put up with snide remarks, abandon destructive people and ignore their guilt trips.
It’s not easy. Habits are comfortable. People shun you. You’re misunderstood. But it’s your life, not theirs. Some things must be stopped now — right now.
*Legal disclaimer: Please don’t kill anyone. That’s not good.
A guy on the radio said, “I didn’t want to have kids. I knew I would treat them like my dad treated me.”
Every guy wonders what kind of dad he’ll be. For some of us, Dad’s shadow of abuse, abandonment, or lack of affection hangs over us and we say, “I don’t want kids! I’m afraid I’ll be like him.”
We all have a history. For some, that history isn’t good. Childhood trauma and lack of love keeps us from developing trusting relationships. Since we can’t “un-become” a father, we’re afraid to commit to being one at all.
Let’s skip the touchy-feely fluff and get to the point. I’m not gonna hold your hand.
Your past doesn’t dictate your future. You’re not chained to your past. Don’t convince yourself you can’t be a great dad. You can. It might be difficult, especially if your dad was a bad example. But there’s hope.
Was your dad really that bad? Some dads are tyrants. But you’re an adult now. Step back from the events that hurt and shaped you. What good things do you remember from your dad? Try to understand why your dad acted the way he did. He may have had his own childhood ordeal and torments.
Forgive. Anger and bitterness can lock you in a jail of your own making. But you are your own jailer, and you hold the key. Forgive your dad in your heart. If possible, tell him. He may be defensive and make excuses. Don’t argue. Or he may look back and feel horrible inside because he failed you and is afraid to talk with you about it.
Are you avoiding responsibility? Is your dad a convenient excuse? It’s not that you don’t want kids, it’s that you don’t want the responsibility of kids. Or you don’t want to be loyal to a wife. Or you got someone pregnant, so you run away saying, “If I hang around, I’ll probably be a bad dad. Good luck, girl.” You coward! You don’t deserve the air you breathe! (Just my unholy opinion.)
Okay, let’s build. You want the joy of children otherwise you wouldn’t be blaming your dad. Right? Right.
Quit telling yourself you can’t be a good parent. Little kids have a way of winning your heart. You’ll sacrifice for them by going to sea. You’ll come home, bring then little toys from far away and love on them.
Marry the right gal. She might be cute and sweet now, but that doesn’t last forever. Take a good, hard look at her relationship with her dad. Does she honor him as a great dad or disrespect him? She will judge you by him.
Dream the kind of happiness you want for your kids…then strive for it. Be proactive about becoming the father you want your kids to have.
Look for a role model. Look for someone who overcame a tough situation. Read about fatherhood. Watch the fathers around you. Remember, bad dads can teach you what you shouldn’t do as much as good dads can teach you what you should.
I’ve saved the best for last.
We call Jesus the Great Physician because He healed people.
He’s not here as in ancient times, but His teachings and wisdom in the Bible are perfect. His comfort is real because He promised to be with us. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
And let’s not forget that He can heal today. (No, not through those wild theatrics we see on TV by egotistical con men.) Jesus’ healing comes as you meet Him with a humble heart and pray for healing. He can renew your mind and heart and heal past and present relationships. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
It won’t happen overnight. You’ve got to burn some memories, unlearn some things, have a new outlook and learn new ways. Words, events, sounds and smells can trigger hard memories and rekindle old doubts. But God takes care of His children. He will take care of you so you can take care of yours.
Don’t be afraid. There’s hope. Ask Him to change you to become the dad He wants you to be. Read the Bible for guidance.
“Lord Jesus, I was so hurt by my dad. Help me to forgive him. Heal my heart and mind. Take away the bad memories. Break the bondage my past has over me. Teach me to be a good dad. Bring godly men into my life who model fatherhood. Draw me to Your Word for instruction. Amen.”
(Oh, and the guy on the radio? He’s got kids, and he loves ‘em all.)
If you’re a guy, you’ve been mega-influenced by your dad.
The Bible is a book of mini-biographies. Here are some of the good and bad dads in the Bible. We can learn something from each of them.
The good dads
Job — Be a priest for your kids. Job guided their spiritual lives. Every day he prayed for God’s grace and forgiveness upon them. (Job 1:5)
Joseph — Accept responsibility when it’s not convenient. Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, accepted Mary’s situation and took her as his wife. He protected her and Jesus from King Herod by escaping to Egypt. He taught his son the construction trade. People said, “Isn’t this the carpenter?” (Mark 6:3)
Apostle Paul — Nurture children in the faith so they will follow God in the future. The apostle Paul nurtured Timothy and Titus like sons. He encouraged them in faith and trained them as pastors. (1st Timothy 1:2 and Titus 1:4)
The Prodigal’s father — Never give up prayer and hope for the wayward child. The Prodigal Son asked for his inheritance, left home and squandered it on sin. When he came home in shame, he discovered his dad had always been watching and waiting for him and welcomed him with hugs and kisses. (Luke 15:20)
The bad dads
Jacob — Don’t allow favoritism. Jacob had 12 sons by four wives. (Problems right there!) Joseph was the favored son. Jacob made it so obvious, Joseph’s stepbrothers hated him and planned to kill him. (Genesis 37:3-4)
Eli — Take a stand against the sin of your kids. Eli knew his sons were seducing the women who served at the Meeting Tent. People complained. He talked to the sons. They said, “Meh….” and that was that. (1st Samuel 2:22-25)
David — Make every effort to reconcile. Absalom, King David’s favorite son, killed his stepbrother for raping his sister, then ran away. Three years later he returned to Jerusalem, but David refused to see him or reconcile with him. (2nd Samuel 13:38, 14:24) From then on, Absalom conspired to become king.
Solomon — Raise your kids in the faith. Solomon followed God at first but began following the pagan religions of his wives. His son, Rehoboam, by his Ammonite wife, received no godly foundation. When Rehoboam became king, he allowed Israel to decline into pagan religion. (2nd Chronicles 12:14)
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (Solomon, the writer, should have taken his own advice.)
Bible study
A father’s spiritual responsibility to his kids.
“When their days of feasting were over, Job would send for his children to purify them, rising early in the morning to offer burnt offerings for all of them. For Job thought, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular practice.” Job 1:5
In the Bible, Job set the standard for morality and righteousness. He also took responsibility for the spiritual care of his kids.
Job had ten kids who would party, party, party at each other’s birthday. Each year he would send them a message. “Purify yourselves with rituals, washings, abstinences, prayer and fasting, and come to my home.”
Why would he do this? Job raised his children to live righteous lives. Even so, he thought, “Perhaps my children have sinned.”
Maybe in the midst of partying they had said or done things that were not honorable to God. Maybe they had “cursed God in their hearts.” Maybe they forgot about Him, were not thankful for His blessings, blamed God for their misfortunes, or shared in the rituals of the pagans around them.
When they came together, Job had them think about their actions and repent. Then he prayed for them, killed an innocent animal and burned it as an offering to God. This reminded them of their sin and their need for a renewed relationship with God. Then they would go home, aware that they should live righteous lives. (Later, Jesus gave His life on the cross as an offering to pay for our sin and restore our relationship with God.)
It is our spiritual responsibility to raise our children to live righteous, God-respecting lives. We must be a godly example to them.
And it’s not just when we are home, handing it off to Mom when we leave. We are responsible to guide them while on contract. Job regularly got up early in the morning to pray for his children, before the burdens of the day cluttered his mind, stole his time and stressed him out.
We should do the same. Whether at home or away, we must pray for our children first thing every day, and teach them to live godly lives.
We cannot “make” them Christians. Only they can decide to follow Christ. But as dads, we can stand between them and God by teaching righteous living, and pleading to God for their spiritual care and protection.
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3rd John 1:4)
Every day, before you get out of bed...
STOP...pray for your kids...one by one...
by name...every day.
Download or Dismiss?
I keep getting this message: “Update available. Download the latest version of Firefox.” Then I’m offered a choice: Download or Dismiss.
At first, I was busy, so I Dismissed it. I’d do it later. Later, I felt guilty, but I still clicked Dismiss. I know I’ll have to deal with it, otherwise it will crash. But for now, I’m okay. And I don’t feel guilty anymore.
It happens in life. We do things we know are wrong. Falsifying logbooks. Lying. Stealing. Pornography. Fondling or date rape. Our conscience says it’s wrong, but we mentally click Dismiss. We’ll deal with the guilt later.
Then we do it again. We make excuses. Our actions become habit. Each time it gets easier to dismiss the inside voice that says “STOP!” We know we’re going to have to deal with it in the future, and it won’t be pretty. It will end worse than if we had corrected things at the beginning.
What about God? He keeps trying to get our attention to turn from sin. “Download” My forgiveness and update your heart with My peace and hope.” It’s easy to Dismiss and ignore Him.
There are a thousand reasons to click Dismiss to God. “Life will go on without Him. Harmful habits, bad relationships and stupid mistakes are part of life. Anyway, didn’t God say He would always be there later?”
And then a mooring line snaps. COVID. Swept overboard. Cancer. Boozing. Old age. Harmful habits catch up with you. Life’s party is over. It’s too late. You’re face-to-face with God and can’t Dismiss Him anymore.
“Click” on God’s love. If I keep Dismissing my download, the program will digitally crash. I can’t avoid it. If you keep Dismissing God’s warning to turn from sin, you’ll spiritually crash.
He loves you and wants to forgive you. Trust that Jesus paid for your sin by dying on the cross for you. Through Him you receive complete forgiveness and deep, personal peace. God will help you overcome harmful habits, heal broken relationships and make you the person you truly want to be. And of course, you’ll gain eternal joy in heaven.
Jesus said, “I have come that [you] may have life and have it in all its fullness.” St. John 10:10
The chief mate said, “We’ve been here two weeks, but the company won’t allow us off.”
“Ya, a floating prison” I said.
“Well,” he replied, “only if you think it is. It’s all about attitude.”
He’s right. But it can still feel like a prison.
So, how do you deal with a floating prison attitude?
Let’s look at what positive minded land-prisoners say. Here’s the scoop.
1. Prisoners say, “You do the crime, you do the time.” What! Nobody told you that you might be stuck on a ship for nine months? Suck it up, buttercup. It comes with the job.
2. Prisoners know they’re responsible for their positive attitude. Captains and chiefs aren’t therapists. Most seafarers are too proud to create an onboard support group. You gotta deal with it yourself.
3. Jail survivors know that a positive attitude is 90% of survival. (The other 90% is watching their back.) Positivity doesn’t come from sicky motivational slogans. It’s a deep maturity that becomes a way of life.
4. Prisoners must battle negativity. Negativity leads to bitterness and anger. I’ve heard guys blame their dad or their culture for making them become a seafarer. Others run from family problems or bad marriages. A few blame their wives for financial debt. These lead to a victim mentality and self-pity. Some guys end up taking a long walk off a short deck.
5. Prisoners focus on getting through today. Yesterday’s gone. Tomorrow starts at midnight. Jesus said, “…don’t worry about tomorrow…today has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)
6. Positive prisoners stay away from negative prisoners. Be nice but keep your distance from the guy who creates his own dark cloud.
7. Prisoners make the best of each day. Today shouldn’t become another countdown “X” on the calendar. Take time to grow in mind, character and personal skills. Read your Bible and pray. Your last words before you sleep should be, “Thank you, Lord, this was a good day.”
8. Positive prisoners do positive things. Help others. Read up on specific topics. Study for career advancement. Develop an onboard hobby. Write. Exercise. Plan a birthday party for Cookie. Get the point?
9. Prisoners dream about their future, but not in detail. Dream in broad strokes. Save the details for when you get home. There’s not a lot you can control from your smartphone in a distant port with weak Internet. Situations can totally change in a few months (or days). You’ve just wasted a bunch of energy and hopes.
10. Prisoners say, “Anyone can do time.” Your contract will end. Everyone’s hour has 60 equal minutes made up of 60 equal seconds. Be professional during your time away. And when people ask, “How did it go?” make sure you can honestly say, “Good, and I'm glad to be home.”
Maintaining a positive attitude comes from a positive relationship with others and God. Jesus is our model of positive attitude. Study His life and character.
Then follow what He said,
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27
Follow His example and teachings and you'll be free of your prison.
